{"id":148,"date":"2025-07-28T18:42:50","date_gmt":"2025-07-28T18:42:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ai30de.com\/?p=148"},"modified":"2025-07-29T00:58:56","modified_gmt":"2025-07-29T00:58:56","slug":"the-things-that-i-want-to-forgive-myself-for","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ai30de.com\/?p=148","title":{"rendered":"The Things That I Want To Forgive Myself For"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"has-source-serif-pro-font-family\" style=\"font-size:3em;font-style:normal;font-weight:300;line-height:1.1\">The Things That I Want To Forgive Myself For<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<p class=\"has-source-serif-pro-font-family\" style=\"margin-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);font-style:normal;font-weight:400\"><strong>by: _latterature<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:13px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-agbalumo-font-family\" style=\"font-style:italic;font-weight:400\">You are breaking into pieces for being a mother without a child<br>Crushed by a heavy load of baggage of life that has not been mild<br>Years of emotions saved and concealed, pockets turned inside out<br>They should&#8217;ve listened, but their way of comfort is gaslighting and doubts<br><br>You should&#8217;ve been hiding before the counting reach to ten<br>Instead you find yourself calming, then seeking for your pen<br>They didn&#8217;t find you, they weren&#8217;t even looking for you\u2014 what&#8217;s new?<br>Maybe you&#8217;re too much or too little\u2014 a puzzle that doesn&#8217;t fit the view<br><br>You grew up strong when you weren&#8217;t even supposed to be<br>You became the emergency contact, your date of birth, ironically<br>And when you showed weakness, your worth to them became less<br>But you were just a kid\u2014 you were supposed to be their kid, too regardless<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:62px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-source-serif-pro-font-family has-medium-font-size\">I was recently diagnosed with PTSD, with significant features of C-PTSD.<br>During my first session, my therapist encouraged me to write about the things I want to forgive myself for.<br>As a frustrated poet, I chose to respond the best way I know how\u2014 through rhymes.<br><br>I started reflecting on the things I once believed were &#8220;normal&#8221; growing up\u2014 the silence I kept, the weight I carried, the roles I played just to feel like I belonged in a family.<br>Writing this piece made me realize something painful: I became their helper, their fixer&#8230;<br>but I had no one to help me.<br>I was pouring from an empty cup, and calling it love.<br><br>Therapy helped me see that what I&#8217;m going through isn&#8217;t entirely my fault.<br>Seeking help\u2014 admitting I need it\u2014 is not weakness.<br>It&#8217;s a courageous step toward healing.<br><br>There are days when guilt clings tightly, and forgiving myself feels impossible.<br>But I hold on to the hope that one day, my inner child will understand:<br>the adult version of me was doing her best to survive too<br><br>And when the time comes that I&#8217;m ready to fully forgive myself,<br>I&#8217;ll know this truth:<br>It&#8217;s never too late to take the first step in healing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:62px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large is-resized\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"769\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/ai30de.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/IMG_9894-5-769x1024.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-277\" style=\"width:424px;height:auto\" srcset=\"https:\/\/ai30de.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/IMG_9894-5-769x1024.jpg 769w, https:\/\/ai30de.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/IMG_9894-5-225x300.jpg 225w, https:\/\/ai30de.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/IMG_9894-5-768x1023.jpg 768w, https:\/\/ai30de.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/IMG_9894-5-1153x1536.jpg 1153w, https:\/\/ai30de.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/IMG_9894-5-1538x2048.jpg 1538w, https:\/\/ai30de.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/IMG_9894-5-9x12.jpg 9w, https:\/\/ai30de.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/IMG_9894-5-600x799.jpg 600w, https:\/\/ai30de.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/IMG_9894-5-scaled.jpg 1922w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 769px) 100vw, 769px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-source-serif-pro-font-family\" style=\"font-size:0.8em;font-style:italic;font-weight:500\">Me, trying to write. The cat, trying harder<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:62px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n<div class=\"is-default-size aligncenter wp-block-site-logo\"><a href=\"https:\/\/ai30de.com\/\" class=\"custom-logo-link\" rel=\"home\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"1563\" height=\"560\" src=\"https:\/\/ai30de.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/1-3.png\" class=\"custom-logo\" alt=\"ai30de\" srcset=\"https:\/\/ai30de.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/1-3.png 1563w, https:\/\/ai30de.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/1-3-300x107.png 300w, https:\/\/ai30de.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/1-3-1024x367.png 1024w, https:\/\/ai30de.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/1-3-768x275.png 768w, https:\/\/ai30de.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/1-3-1536x550.png 1536w, https:\/\/ai30de.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/1-3-18x6.png 18w, https:\/\/ai30de.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/1-3-600x215.png 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1563px) 100vw, 1563px\" \/><\/a><\/div>\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Things That I Want To Forgive Myself For by: _latterature You are breaking into pieces for being a mother without a childCrushed by a heavy load of baggage of life that has not been mildYears of emotions saved and concealed, pockets turned inside outThey should&#8217;ve listened, but their way of comfort is gaslighting and [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":73,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[19],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-148","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-poetry"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.5 - 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